We are now three months post procedure and the journey continues on, but I am certainly having more good days than bad. All my check ups at the hospital have shown no issues and no additional beats have been detected. My medical team are always very happy to see it but I find it so hard to accept it. I just find it hard to accept that two procedures have got rid of it and also no one can give me a definite answer as to whether it will come back or not. The fear is always there. I am too afraid to move faster than a walk or lift anything heavy. I am constantly checking my Fitbit to reassure myself anything I felt was not my heart. I haven't been left on my own since October as the panic that built up was overwhelming. I couldn't stay at my schools end of year concert as the panic got too much, but then interestingly my very good friend and I went to Keith Urbans concert in December. I really didn't think I would do it but with Hannah next to me, and Rod Laver staff being very understanding, I sat without moving and made it through the show. I loved it and was so proud of myself for staying til the end.
I read many stories in the online support groups I am part of, that other survivors are so much more accepting of their devices. They are doing all sorts of exercise, some even doing marathons, going to the gyms and have moved on with life, just appreciating that they have a device and it goes off some times. Others seem to be more like me, in that we are grieving for our previous life, our sense of independence and not living with fear all the time. But as my psychologist tells me, this just needs time. My body and mind suffered significant trauma and it needs to heal.
I still can't drive so my parents and husband continue to chauffeur me around. They have been there for me and helped me cope with the anxiety and panic attacks. My greatest fear is to be alone with my son and have the device go off. That image overwhelms me sometimes.
My psychologist has also talked to me about the anxiety my 2 year old son may be going through. He wants to know where I am all the time and calls every building a hospital. Every time he falls over he thinks he has to go to hospital and needs reassurance he is ok. All this needs to be part of the recovery.
My worklife starts next week with Term 1 commencing. I'm looking forward to starting as I have an older grade but also aware that school is a trigger point so I need to monitor my anxiety.
My 1 year anniversary is on 14th April 2017 and I plan to celebrate with my family and friends with a re-birthday party. My continued mental care will be an integral part of my ability to cope this year and the day will come when I can cope with being on my own. Again, I couldn't get through this without my family and my friends.
I read many stories in the online support groups I am part of, that other survivors are so much more accepting of their devices. They are doing all sorts of exercise, some even doing marathons, going to the gyms and have moved on with life, just appreciating that they have a device and it goes off some times. Others seem to be more like me, in that we are grieving for our previous life, our sense of independence and not living with fear all the time. But as my psychologist tells me, this just needs time. My body and mind suffered significant trauma and it needs to heal.
I still can't drive so my parents and husband continue to chauffeur me around. They have been there for me and helped me cope with the anxiety and panic attacks. My greatest fear is to be alone with my son and have the device go off. That image overwhelms me sometimes.
My psychologist has also talked to me about the anxiety my 2 year old son may be going through. He wants to know where I am all the time and calls every building a hospital. Every time he falls over he thinks he has to go to hospital and needs reassurance he is ok. All this needs to be part of the recovery.
My worklife starts next week with Term 1 commencing. I'm looking forward to starting as I have an older grade but also aware that school is a trigger point so I need to monitor my anxiety.
My 1 year anniversary is on 14th April 2017 and I plan to celebrate with my family and friends with a re-birthday party. My continued mental care will be an integral part of my ability to cope this year and the day will come when I can cope with being on my own. Again, I couldn't get through this without my family and my friends.